[BaadAssGremlins] Something Gremlin from Google

["Brien Tourville" <hh7x@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Gremlin

I'm embarrassed to admit it but back in the 1980's, I had an AMC 
Gremlin. I hated that car. It had an accordion type sunroof made of 
fabric that had to be pushed back to open. I was driving home from 
work when the sunroof ripped from its mooring and began flapping like 
a massive flag behind my car before completely freeing itself from 
bondage. I think the sunroof hated the car as well.

The sunroof was a rare item and at the time I was unable to afford a 
new one. I riveted a piece of sheet metal to the roof as a 
replacement. At least it kept the rain out. That is until the rear 
window mysteriously shattered. I was walking by the car when it 
happened. Nobody else was around and I could find no evidence of foul 
play to indicate that a foreign object had penetrated the glass. The 
window just seemed to have had enough of that car.

It wasn't long before the front suspension decided to depart. If I 
had intentions of making a turn, it was necessary to start turning 
the steering wheel several blocks before said anticipated turn. 
Steering became a fine art. I hated that car.

I was driving home from the grocery store when the engine quit on me. 
I had the car towed home and I began to thoroughly check the motor 
inside and out. I could find nothing wrong. I was sitting behind the 
drivers seat when a neighbor asked, "You don't suppose it's out of 
gas do you?"

I tapped at the gauge and said, "No. You can plainly see that it has 
a quarter of a tank." No sooner had I spilled the words from my 
mouth, my tapping dislodged the stuck gauge. It now read "Empty."

I had a can of gas that I used for filling the tank of my lawn mower 
so I used the contents to get the Gremlin started. The gas gauge 
barely registered as I headed for the gas station. I was about one 
hundred feet from the pump when I ran out of gas again. I hated that 
car.

Now it was war. I ran the car low on oil trying to kill it. The motor 
ran fantastic. I ran it low on coolant but the engine never missed a 
beat. I ran it low on oil and coolant at the same time and the motor 
only seemed to run better. As the car fell apart around me, the motor 
only became stronger but I still hated that car.

When I decided to sell it, a friend of mine offered to buy it. I told 
him everything that was wrong with it and begged him not to buy it 
from me. He really wanted the car and said he'd "fix it up." I tried 
to give it to him but he said he wouldn't feel right not paying me 
something for it. I ended up selling him the car for fifty dollars.

Two days after he bought the car it caught on fire in his driveway. 
The Gremlin burned to the ground and in the process, it caught his 
other car on fire. I took comfort in the knowledge that there were 
then two of us who hated that car.


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