It seems likely that the headgasket is on backwards -- or missing -- or some other stupid problem. I'll pull the head, on the car, to check. Easy enough and makes engine pulling easier anyways.
QUESTION: If I find the problem [say backwards head gasket] is there any chance of drying this thing out without tearing the whole thing down?
It got water in the crankcase, definitely. Quarts. But it never RAN; there's no serious mixing and it never rose above room temperature. The crankcase was clean when I installed the oilpan; it had not been previously run with this problem [which really makes me think someone removed/restored the head and did a crappy job], there would have been evidence.
More, I brought up oil pressure days ago, multiple times, with no water in it; I added water only this morning at the last minute before cranking. However, I have to assume it pumped water through the galleries.